dark soil
Sunday 29 April, 2007, 10:06 pm
Filed under: contemplation, death, life

Over the past week my frame of mind and many of the thoughts that come to me have been consumed by the sadness and loneliness felt by the towns at the end of my train line. I have often wondered whether places are flavoured by the people that habituate them, or whether an area and its history flavours the people that reside within its space.

I remember walking up a mountain in Germany in the Heidelberg valley. My brother and I had just explored the ruins of some ancient monastery and took a path further into the beech woods to find a huge old amphitheatre built under our fave evil dictator, Mr. Hitler. The stone structure had a cold feel to it and I really don’t think that I was feeling this just as a response to my knowledge of its prior use. I later discovered that it had been an ancient pagan gathering place and had been chosen by the man because he warmed to this kinda stuff.

A couple of weeks ago two sixteen year old girls climbed up a tree nearby and hung themselves in a united endeavour. The media has blamed the emo culture, but of course there is so so much more behind this event than just talking death and listening to music expressing typical teenage angst. Suicide is frequently looked upon as a potential solution for people of this age. From the best of my knowledge it has for quite some time now. When I was sixteen it was grunge that ran through our veins and was used to express this state of being. The culture is a means to expressing a shared dissatisfaction with life as it is.

I presume that it’s a combination of a shared mindset and the nature of a place’s history, weaved in as one big stuffed-up tapestry, that brushes off onto the human spirit. Nevertheless, there is something very wrong and it has got to me.



chocolate and a mortgage
Friday 20 April, 2007, 1:40 am
Filed under: contemplation, life

I saw the title and words of a mortgage broker splashed across a building today…Chocolate Home Loans “Life is for Living”.

Initially I thought that maybe it was a joke, but no it’s for real. There exists a loan company that associates their service with the luxury food product of cacao pods.

So, life is for living… life is for enjoying the oral pleasures of chocolate and committing your earnings to a lifelong weekly deposit. Perhaps I’m cynical because I’m a student that lives by her weekly earnings and has stubborn ideas of using her time for worthwhile cause. Next year I graduate and there opens the possibility of a secure profession and a stable income that might allow me to commit to the mainstream dreaming of fast cars and mortgages… but how could I?

Honestly, how could I wake up and eat my cereal each morning knowing that I had ‘security’, knowing that I could keep paying my money to the money lenders and have a pretty home over my being? How could I possibly settle down with another and have 2.5 happy little children just for them to do the very same?

Since when is overindulging and overlooking others living?



ill
Monday 16 April, 2007, 8:17 pm
Filed under: art, contemplation, life, music

To create.

Why do I want to create? What is it that runs through my veins and drops vibrant rhythms and wells pools of colour. Burgundy, indigo, ochre. Electric. It’s more than just cells and plasma. Sometimes I get so frustrated because I feel I’m unable to unleash the things that drive my spirit in a significant way.

I suppose it is purpose I’m looking for. To use my faculties to mould something new. I don’t believe I’m here for a humdrum existence. I don’t believe any of us are here for such things. It just happens that we let ourselves believe the lie that brilliance is an exception. The ‘brilliance’ that does end up on the pedestal is nothing but a farce anyway. Life isn’t supposed to be lived within a plaster cast. Even if the cast is covered with distracting little notes and pictures. It’s for running. It’s for heavy breathing. The stuff that saturates the lungs in oxygen.

I don’t want to get lost to the hospital institution of Western ways. The lunatics of normality. The straightjackets of inconspicuous submission. To strive for such things is lost time.

I want to create…



a friend and a few hundred kilometres
Monday 9 April, 2007, 9:35 pm
Filed under: life, music

I really miss a friend of mine. She and I share music like we share dessert. We love the same stuff and we devour it even when our stomachs are telling us we’ve had enough. Lemon meringue pie. Salmonella Dub. Tiramisu. Most Def. Affogatos. Antony. Martha. Nick. Jill. Tex. Joan… The list goes on. Yeah we share them and love them. But she’s a few hundred kilometres away and I miss her laugh and her humour and her company. Some people play such a unique role in your life and when they’re missing it sucks.

Why am I writing this? Well today I had to listen to some music that grated against every consuming fibre within me. Lyrics like “karma karma karma chamelion, you come and go…” just do not fit with me. It made me realise how much I appreciate sharing the splendour of voice and instrument with a like-minded being.

This takes me back to a few months ago when we sat listening to the smooth hoops and echoes of voice in the womb-like back room of Bennett’s Lane. As the smoky words weaved themselves among the resonating notes of the double bass, my eyes fell on the light shining through my generous glass of cab sauv. A deep saturated red sitting against the lustrous blue lights. I love the peace of moments like these. I adore sharing these little pieces of my life. Music and friends make me a rich girl indeed.



God is…
Friday 6 April, 2007, 1:52 pm
Filed under: God, contemplation

God is in fresh growth God is in a newborn God is in flesh God is in the music God is in the smell of rain God is in the arms of a loved one God is in one’s conscience God is in hope God is in a laugh God is in the lungs God is in the strength of defying gravity God is in the dust God is there in the heartache God is there in the headache God is there in the shit of the darkest night God is there in the blood God is in the void God is in the beauty God is in the running God is in the bread God is in the feet God is in the smile God is in the wine God is in the life God is in you… God is…

“My God, why have you forsaken me?”

God is…



not obsessive
Wednesday 4 April, 2007, 5:20 pm
Filed under: memes

Gurzilla has tagged me with a meme on obsessions. I don’t really consider myself to be an obsessive personality. In fact, when I’ve tried to be wholly fixated on something in the past I’ve lost interest and jumped to the next thing. I’ve always admired those that can stick with something they show an aptitude for and then become really very good at it. So I’m going to give my 5 things I’m a little pernickety over, and things I thrive on…(as close to obsession as I get).

1. Colour matching pegs with the hue of the clothing item being hung on my washing line. This can prove to be a little troublesome when the only peg colours available are red, blue, white, and a couple of yellow/green here and there. But I manage.
2. Op shops… I’m a chronic op-shopper and yearn for the overflowing shelves and hangers.
3. Printed Patterns. Yeah, once again not obsessive, but I do look out for them. But not girly florally ones.
4. Attempting all things art. This is where the whole “trying to be obsessed” thing comes into it. I want to express myself artistically but jump from one medium to the next and, in turn, never get good at anything.
5. One more. Um…I used to have to put my hand up to a particular bow on a tree in my garden every time I walked under it. I made myself stop though. :)

In turn I’m tagging… the lovely Christina (whose writing I am sorely missing), Ruth of The Green Book (whose writing I want to see more of), and my philosophical buddy Will of The Unending Quest (whose writing I love and provokes some dangerous thinking). Go get em guys.